Building a Lasting Relationship

Taking the time to build a lasting relationship as a birth parent and adoptive family will greatly benefit your adopted child.  Children need to feel secure and know that they are truly loved, valued and cherished.  Adopted children want to understand and learn about their adoptive family and their biological family.  The well-being of any child stems from love, acceptance and understanding.

It is good to remember that everyone has a different point of view and may not have the same understanding of a question or concept that you do.  Take your time in building your relationship and remember it does not need to happen overnight and like any important relationship, it must be nurtured and cared for.

Tips for communicating:

  • Try to speak clearly and slowly and really explain yourself
  • Take body language and responses as ques to continue with a certain topic or change to another topic
  •  Rely on the agency staff to help guide the meeting or phone call
  • Allow for your birth parents to have time to respond and to ask questions
  • Take a break and lighten up the subject, if you are feeling or observing tense feelings

There are many questions and topics that will greatly aid in beginning to build your relationship and bond.

Good questions to ask:

  •  When is your due date?
  •  How are you feeling?
  •  Do you have any food cravings?
  •  Do you have any wishes for the child
  • What are your hobbies and talents?


Sensitive questions to avoid:

  •  Who is the expectant father and whether she knows who it is(If he is not involved)?
  •  How the baby was conceived?
  •  How many times was she pregnant?
  •  Is there any drug or alcohol abuse during the pregnancy?
  •  Is there a possibility of her changing her mind?
  •  Do you need help with finances?  ***With some states, there are rules about the amount of money a birth mother can receive for personal expenses, as well as limits to gifts.

The questions above need to be gently asked once trust has been built between you and the expectant mother.  Some the answers to these questions should be presented to you in the non-identifying information that you receive when you are determining if the situation is right for you.  If you are unsure about asking a questions, talk with your caseworker first and listen to their guidance.  Your adoption agency team is experienced and experts in adoption field.

Birth Parents looking for adoptive family

Call 800-835-6360 or Text  801-450-0094


Adoptive Families call to get your questions answered.
Scroll to Top