Going into adoption I knew I would have some tremendous choices to make. The responsibility of selecting an adoptive family for my unborn child was great. Of course, there were fears. Would I choose the right family? How will I know? Would they respect me as a person? Through all of these feelings I felt a sense of relief that someone would potentially love my child as much as I do.
Throughout the process of selecting an adoptive family I learned that families are made in so many different ways. This made the daunting decision a little easier. I went into my adoption hoping that I would make the right choice.
During several counseling sessions I shared my feelings about what I would like my adoptive family to be like. I was surprised that I had choices. Because I had placed 25 years ago, my adoption was semi-closed. The only information I had about my adoptive family was written on a sheet of paper. No picture or voice to reference when I would think or talk about them. Yet, I knew.
I had requested the family be tall (both birth father and I are tall) and valued the importance of education. Being a concert pianist and birth father also being a musician, we requested they have music in their home. I didn’t place importance on what they looked like, how much money they made or where they lived. I just wanted a family who would love her as much as I do. A family who would keep her happy and safe. I wanted her to have a normal childhood. Something I couldn’t give her at the time.
My counselor proceeded to introduce information about several adoptive families. And then I knew. That question of knowing who the right family would be had been answered. It wasn’t a grand production. It wasn’t someone telling me I had made the right decision. It was small tears of relief that my baby would be going home. I felt such gratitude knowing her adoptive family would be there for her to teach and love her.
Often, there will be some connection with birth parents and adoptive families. This connection could be something as simple as a hobby or a tradition. Being yourself goes a long way. All I wanted, as a birth parent, was an adoptive family who was real. It took a lot of quiet moments of consideration to get to a point where I could select a family. Once I made that decision, I never turned back. How thankful I am for them. They will forever be a part of my family. I feel completely at peace knowing my little one has parents who love her so much.
Birth Mom Story
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