Those who have adopted have probably encountered some pretty insensitive questions about their adoption or their adopted child. For most people, their intentions are good, they are well meaning but curious and they just have a poor way of asking the questions.
Some questions commonly asked to adoptive couples include: Is that your real daughter?
Where did you get her? How much did she cost? Where did she come from? Do you love her the same as your “own” kids?
Luckily, most adoptive couples realize that people don’t mean to ask the questions in the way they come across. Adoptive parents can help educate their friends and acquaintances by properly addressing the questions with appropriate answers. For instance, yes, this is my real daughter. We adopted her at birth and she is the joy of our lives. Or, we adopted our precious angel from Act of Love Adoption agency. We were selected by her birthmother to be her adoptive parents. Another response to the question about costs: We worked with an adoption agency where we were required to have a home study, background checks and provide the proper documentation to be approved for adoption. This adoption preparation required certain fees, in addition to the pregnancy related living expenses we helped her birthparents with.
The “Where did she come from?” question is often asked when adoptive parents adopt a child from a different ethnic background then themselves. An appropriate answer could be, her birthparents are African American and living in the state of Georgia. As for the question about love….. I have never met a parent that didn’t love their child. Adoptive parents have a love so great it is evident from the time they first hold their baby. It’s a beautiful love to witness.
One adoptive dad made a video about inappropriate questions he had been asked about his adoption and adopted child. He cleverly likened it to a “boob job,” and called it the boob job rule for questions about adoption. He says: “If you wouldn’t say it about a boob job, then don’t say it about an adoptive family.” He posted the video on Vimeo and had many adoptive parents commenting and agreeing with the things he said. He wanted to create positive awareness in a fun way about something that was very dear to his family.
He also states that adoptive parents are not being overly sensitive; they are being protective of their adoptive children that may not understand the comments yet. Adoptive parents never want the adopted child to feel as though they were a lesser member of the family or love as much!
Act of Love Adoptions offers adotoption orientation and preparation classes to help adoptive parents prepare for adoption and these types of questions. For more information on the Free Orientation Class, contact Act of Love to speak with a staff member about the adoption services available.