“Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant and I have decided on adoption.”

You may picture it like an uncomfortable scene in a movie. You may envision that there will be some shouting, tears and stress that will accompany your announcement. You already dread doing it, but pregnancy is not something you can hide indefinitely. The best choice is to come to terms with the pregnancy and share with your trusted adults, so you can take care of yourself, your baby and find the best option for you. It is also best to tell your loved ones yourself, rather than for them to hear about it from someone else.

At this point, your loved ones may be a great source of strength and support. Or, sadly, they may react negatively to your news. Whatever the results, the important thing is that you were able to tell your loved ones and begin to make a plan. Admittedly, telling loved ones about an unplanned pregnancy and your decision for adoption can be difficult. However, you can take concrete steps to make it a bit easier. Here are some things you should do or remember:
– Do not do anything rash. Your fear about telling your parents or loved ones may lead you to do something you may later regret. Take time to get emotionally settled and get over the shock of the unplanned pregnancy. With a clearer frame of mind and when your emotions are in control, your next actions can be more well-thought-out.
– Be reminded that people may react differently to the news. To be sure, your unplanned pregnancy may bring about anxiety, grief and stress, particularly for those who care about you and are concerned about your future. Everyone will express these feelings in different ways. It is important to understand these reactions and to understand where your loved ones are coming from. Some of these reactions include:
o Tears and other ways of emotional release. A loved one may react by bursting into tears or laughter. This can be their way of releasing emotions and the stress they feel.
o Anger. A loved one may express his anger verbally or physically because his basic beliefs and expectations in life are threatened by the unplanned pregnancy.
o Lack of a reaction. Yet another loved one may pretend that the news does not affect them. This can be a way for him to put some distance between him and the situation, in an effort to decrease the pain he is feeling.
o Remorse. The loved one may ask, “Where did I go wrong?” As a way of distancing himself from the pressing issue of the pregnancy, he may instead consider the things that he should have or could have done.
o Panic. The loved one may express his feelings of loss of control by exhibiting signs of panic – hyperventilation, trembling, going pale or sweating.
– Time your announcement carefully. Avoid giving the announcement during important family occasions, such as a birthday or anniversary party or your family’s Christmas or Thanksgiving dinner, where emotions are at their peak. Choose a time when your parents are more relaxed and less vulnerable to their emotions.
– Set the ideal atmosphere. Try to choose a quiet setting, where you can get your loved ones or parents’ full attention. Turn off any distractions such as the television or the radio and go for a tone that indicates that you would like to have a serious talk with them. If you are worried about any possible physical harm that you may experience, have someone come with you.
– Know what you are going to say. For a difficult topic such as this, it is always helpful to have an outline in your mind about what you are going to say. First, practice what you will say about the pregnancy. Then, take time to share your plans going forward. Rather than being flippant about this, try to go with the straightforward approach: “Mom, Dad, I’m pregnant.” Once the shock has died down, you can tell your parents or loved ones about what you plan to do. Having a clear plan and making information available to your loved ones lets them know that you know how serious the situation is and that you are taking concrete steps to deal with the situation.
– Provide them with information. If you are seriously considering adoption, do some research to obtain reading materials for you and your loved ones. Give them access to information that can potentially answer their questions; this can go a long way in easing their worries.
– Be prepared for dialogue. Take time to listen to their reactions and acknowledge their feelings of anger or disappointment. Also, even with a plan, be open to what your loved ones have to say. They may offer you support or provide guidance for you to make important choices such as how you want to build your adoption plan.
– Remember that the decision about the pregnancy is ultimately up to you. Even as you give your loved ones the opportunity to state their opinions and suggestions, remember that the decision about your baby will ultimately be your decision. Do not allow anyone, even your loved ones, to force you into doing something you do not want to do.

Help from A Act of Love

A Act of Love Adoptions understands what you are going through, many of the staff members have personal adoption experience; including birth parents. A Act of Love strives to provide a loving and understanding environment where the aim is to help ensure that you are happy and at peace with whatever decision you make – whether this is for adoption or for parenthood. If you are dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, we are here to help – feel free to call us for free counseling and to ask about our services, including adoption counseling and pregnancy related financial assistance. Call 24/7: 1-800-835-6360 or Text Now to 801-450-0094.