The topic of adoption is rarely ever discussed today without the words “open adoption” also being discussed. Most adoptive parents who have adopted in the past 10 years and those who are looking to adopt will expect the birthparents to request some form of ongoing contact.

Studies have concurred that open adoption is very beneficial for the adopted child. But the studies do not tell anyone how to prepare or implement an open adoption. Due to the lack of training and information, some adoptive parents find the process exciting, but at the same time a little stressful, anxious and sometimes scary.

As an adoptive parent, the idea of openness can be a little unsettling. Many adoption agencies present adoptive parents with the pre and post-adoption contact the birthparent is asking for in the openness agreement as they present the situation. This is a very good practice. The adoptive parent can then read about the situation, the fees involved and the openness request. Adoptive parents will know from the beginning what will be expected of them as far as openness goes. One word of caution: If the openness agreement does not feel right to you as an adoptive parent, do not say yes to this situation. If you do not plan to honor the agreement completely, you need to be upfront with the birthparent(s). It would be better for them to find an adoptive parent(s) that wholeheartedly agree to honor the openness and post-adoption contact requested.

As open adoption has evolved over the years, it has been found to be very beneficial for the adoptee. Healthy identity development is gained from an adoptee having access to all aspects of their history. If there is a sustained relationship between birth and adoptive families, it will strengthen the child’s development and learning. If both parties focus on what is best for the child, it will be a meaningful and lasting relationship that all will cherish.

Two important parts of an open adoption include communication and commitment. When there becomes a concern in the relationship, communicating feelings in a respectful manner will help resolve the issue and keep the relationship in a positive place. It is important to consider the other’s role in the adoption triad and be empathetic to what the other may be feeling. This is especially true of the child. The child will reach a point in his/her life where they may not be interested in getting together as one big extended family. When this happens it’s important not to push the child, but patiently wait until the child to work through his/her emotions and matures.

Having an open adoption in writing is helpful to use as a guide. It is important that the basics are met, but creating an authentic relationship with the other person is the most important. Common courtesy is greatly appreciated. If some beautiful pictures were taken by a professional photographer and they haven’t come back, let the birthparents know that they are with the photographer and will be forwarded as soon as they are received.

Having an open adoption is a wonderful way to blend two families into one. With mutual respect and love, agreements can be honored and the bond will grow strong. All will benefit: the birthparents and the child, the adoptive parents.
Sources:
https://www.huffingtonpost.com/april-dinwoodie/6-key-factors-to-consider-for-an-open-adoption_b_7157382.html