I was talking to a friend the other day about my son, Matthew, whom I placed for adoption. (I was feeling a little sad.) I got the normal questions: Do you talk to the parents? Do you get pictures? Do you have any contact? Do you ever get to see him or talk to him?
These are all questions that…kind of startle me in a way. My friend was just being curious, but inwardly I kind of died a little with each question. No, I do not get to talk to his parents. Yes, I get pictures but only once a year. Yes, I have a form of contact-I get one update every year around his birthday that includes some pictures and a letter. No, I never get to see him or talk to him.
Then my friend asked if I would get to see him one day. Inwardly, my heart swells with hope and joy because I know that I will get to meet him again one day. I feel like it will be a really cool experience. I remember, quite vividly, holding him, adoring him, and handing him over to his mom. (His sister would not let go of him, which I thought was really cute.) The next time I see him, he will be grown. He will be a young man. He will not fit in my arms, and it would be really weird if I held him like a baby and “baby-talked” to him.
As I was going through the adoption process, I had questions for AAOL about meeting him in the future. I had questions about how adoptive parents tell their children that they are adopted. Birth parents need not fear these things if they are on the same page as the adoptive parents. Most adoptive parents want their children to know where they come from and who their birth parents are. Most adoptive parents want the birth parents to write letters and send pictures. (Matt’s mom and dad told me in the last update that they were happy about the letters I wrote to him the months prior to them sending an update. They were a bit worried because I had not been writing as frequently.) Most adoptive parents want their children to meet their birth parents and have a relationship with them. From what I understand, adoptive parents tell their adopted children at a very early age about their adoption.
As a birth parent, you get to choose the type of adoption plan and your child’s family if that is what YOU want. I wanted a semi-open adoption plan, and I wanted to choose the family. I asked Matt’s parents how committed they were to honoring a semi-open adoption plan. They absolutely were open to that and verbalized their commitment to that…and they have committed to that. (I really have nothing to worry about here. B and J are the BEST family ever for my son! I love them so much!) As you interview potential families, just ask them how committed they are to honoring the adoption plan you have chosen.
To talk with Skylar about your adoption choices, send an email to firstname.lastname@example.org.