I am an African female and my adoptive family is not. They are Caucasian. I would be remiss if I didn’t admit that our differences did not cross my mind when considering them as a potential adoptive family.

I was raised in a household with an emphasis on respect, education, and culture. This is an environment that created me and that I wanted my son to grow up in. So when I was considering families this is what I was looking for. As I was presented with all these different families to choose from, I was a little thrown off that many of them did not look like me. I found out that very few adoptive parents looking to expand their family are African or African American. It may sound small minded but I had to consider, culturally, will my son’s upbringing be what I want for him?

I am blessed to be a first generation African in the United States. I can trace my lineage very far back. Almost all of my family is still in Africa. I want my son to know that. I want him to know that he comes from somewhere, that he is able to have some cultural identity growing up. I worried about problems he may have fitting in. Will other families accept him? Will people judge him? Will he have trouble in school? I worried as far as to where he will get a haircut!

I voiced all these worries to my adoption counselor and ultimately I was introduced to an amazing family. With three children of their own, they had already adopted an African American son. The adoptive mother explained her commitment to a trans-racial family and has traveled extensively. (Even to Africa!) She didn’t claim to know it all and acknowledged that it wouldn’t be easy. The entire family was warm and loving. Their family embraced education, respect and culture. I was impressed. Ultimately we chose each other. Now my son is their son.

Today I am happy to send suggestions about hair product or lotions. He’s only one now but I hope to continue to be a resource for my son in terms of his cultural identity. Ultimately, my son should be loved. He should be encouraged to grow and succeed. This is what I was looking for in an adoptive family and what I believe I found.