In the world of adoption, most of the focus is on birth mothers and adoptive parents. An important part of the scenario is the birth father, but he is often a small part of the picture or not in the picture at all.

To be clear, some adoptions have participating birth fathers and as birth parents, together, they create an adoption plan. In fact, there are a lot of birth parents who are still dating or even married. Each situation is different and often inspired by factors like age, finances, or other considerations. Involvement from both parents provides welcomed support during the adoption process.

For others, the biological father may have left the picture, be unknown, or wholly disinterested in the process. For me, the father of my son pushed for abortion. When I informed him that I was choosing adoption he supported my decision, but towards the end of the pregnancy he sort of just disappeared. So although a few of us have involved birth fathers, many of us have the kind that leave, or ignore the pregnancy all together.

In defense of birth fathers, I’m sure many are afraid to participate in the adoption process. I know I was. It’s hard to walk through those doors or pick up the phone and have to work through the feelings of shame and guilt. The pregnancy is much easier to ignore when you’re not carrying a child for 9 months. However, I sometimes wonder about the emotional repercussions my ex- boyfriend’s absence will have on my son. I chose open adoption to protect him as much as I could from feelings of abandonment, but I have no control over his father.

I wrote this post mostly to confirm my commitment to positive and truthful representation of my son’s biological father to my son. I can only assume he cared in some way, but got too scared and overwhelmed with the responsibility. Although he left, he was still a smart and charming guy. These are characteristics that I hope my son shares.