1. This Is Hard
Being a birthmother is super difficult. Adoptive parents are often met with praise and admiration in society, but birth mothers don’t have the same experience. After adoption I not only have to deal with issues of bereavement, but also manage my status in society as a woman who placed her child. I struggle regularly with whether I should share my story or how to explain my gap in employment during my pregnancy.
2. Your Understanding Means The World
I cannot express how meaningful it is to hear encouraging words from my chosen adoptive family. We’ve become close in a way that they not only give me updates on my son, but ask for regular updates on me as a person. It adds another dimension of respect and appreciation to our relationship. I feel that the more they know about me, the better my family will be able to represent me to my son.
3. Stick to your promises
I realize how lucky I am that I never have to ask for pictures. My family agreed to regularly send me updates at certain milestones. They have gone above and beyond this commitment. I can’t imagine the discomfort and panic it would cause if this promise was ignored. Getting to know a family does not happen over years, it’s only a few months. Standing by their commitment to share pictures and letters helps to validate my decision to choose adoption and the adoptive family.
4. Things Change
Originally, my adoptive family and I developed a pretty loose open adoption plan. We didn’t decide on regular visits and our agreement on pictures exchange was every few months. However, things change. I talk with my adoptive family on a monthly basis and they send pictures WHENEVER he does something cute! I love it! I’ve also planned outings with the family on numerous occasions and I have been blessed to hold and watch my son grow.
5. Don’t Be Afraid To Reach Out
I think what it comes down to is communication. I would not have been able to see the bond with my adoptive family develop if they didn’t initiate a more intimate relationship. It is important to be respectful of space, and for a while the adoptive family and I edged around the idea of more regular communication and visits. But they went out on a limb and just asked. I so appreciate that now. I am thankful that they regularly reach out to me to plan visits and send all the cute pictures and photos.