This day, exactly two years ago, I held my baby boy in my arms for the final time and said goodbye. It was the last time I would see him until the time comes for us to meet again. He is now two years old, and I have missed many milestones, smiles, hugs, and mommy/son moments. Yet, I am able to write this with a smile on my face and joy in my heart!

It is an odd thing to have a son and not be a part of his life. I have two sons; I know the joy that comes from being a mommy. The love is incredible. The laughter we share is priceless. We enjoy killing the alien invaders together, and I enjoy telling them outrageously outlandish stories. Things would be even more fun and interesting with another little guy to accompany us in our adventures. We all love little Matt, and for me, it is hard (emotionally) to raise his brothers without him. I also know that he is having so much fun with his big sister and big family! He is loved beyond words. And that brings me joy and gives me peace!

Two years ago, or even one year ago, this time of year was really difficult. I am very proud that I am able to think about my son without crying. There is something really special about being able to get past the hurt, anger, and depression over placing a child for adoption. Knowing my son is with a wonderful family and that he is happy makes me feel good. It reaffirms that my decision to place him for adoption was the right choice. Now, two years later, I am able to be joyful about that and not have any regrets about the past.

There will always be times when I am sad and wish I could hold him, kiss him, and tell him I love him. He is my son, and I still wish to show him my love. One day, I will be able to. In the meantime, I can enjoy the peace and happiness I feel knowing that he is exactly where he is supposed to be.