As sentient beings, we are designed to love our unborn children. It is a natural affection that helps us to care for our babies. When a woman discovers she is pregnant, it is natural for her to love that baby, and developing a bond with her unborn baby comes naturally as the pregnancy progresses. The love that women feel for their babies while pregnant becomes tangible when he/she is born. I think that process of finally meeting the object of our affection is a part of what makes adoption difficult for birth parents.

Before Matthew was born, I was absolutely certain I wanted to place him for adoption. There were no doubts about whether or not I would go through with it. I loved him, and I could not help but to love him. He is my son. During the pregnancy, I knew I loved him, but it did not feel like the same kind of love that I felt during my pregnancies with Edward and Matthias. I loved Matt, but I felt detached from him. I still rubbed my belly and played music for him. I talked to him and cried over the loss I was already feeling. However, I also had to tell myself every day that at the end of this pregnancy, he is not coming home with me. That act of self-preservation kept me from fully bonding with him.

The love that birth parents feel is just as real and intense as any other parent’s love for their children. Matt’s parents loved him before I even decided to place him with them. It was just something I knew and felt in my heart. It was amazing really. When I talked to them as I was looking for a family for Matt, I could tell they already loved him. When I told them I have decided to place with them, it seemed they loved him even more. They were able to experience that pregnancy love. When we met, we were all able to bond with each other, each of us sharing a love for our son.