I will never forget this amazing journey. Watching my beautiful baby boy leave the hospital without me and the beautiful peace I held in my heart was nothing but God. Ok maybe I should start from the beginning. Let’s go back in time for a sec…
25 years old, single mother, 2 kids a boy and a girl (a yr apart and by the same father) I was pretty much set. I had a good job and was in school so I was pretty content UNTIL I got pregnant with my 3rd child. I literally lost my mind. My children were taken away from me by my mother who lived a state away from me. I lost my job and failed out of school. My relationship with my youngest daughter’s father was suffering as well. I was depressed angry and hurt and I stayed that way for the next 13 months.
I began to get myself together and went to therapy. Things started going in the right direction. My relationship was great and I was slowly back in my kids lives Once again devastating news…I was pregnant. See the thing with me is I only wanted 2 kids and I was completely happy with my first 2 and I wanted it to stay that way but it didn’t so I was stuck with a 3rd one and now here comes a 4th one…yeah right. I just knew I was getting an abortion. Well that didn’t happen either. Time went too fast and money was never right for me to do so. I tried to ignore the fact that I was pregnant but obviously it doesn’t go away.
I began looking into adoption agencies and for some reason chose Act of Love Adoptions. What a great choice that was. From beginning to end the support and love these ladies have for you is 100% GENUINE. I lost my apartment in July so they offered to move me and my boyfriend to Utah until the baby was born. My boyfriend was fine with the adoption but didn’t want to be involved with picking the family or having an open adoption like I wanted to. So when it came time to pick the family it was all up to me. The adoption agency took care of everything else Dr. appts, transportation, food, shelter…they even provided their friendship. I grew close to these ladies. I looked at family profiles and one stood out to me so I set it aside. But once we Skyped it was defiantly confirmed. I got goose bumps and started crying cause I knew that I knew that I knew this family was the family for him. So when the day came that I finally went into labor I had no idea what I was in for. I seen my beautiful baby and I knew I loved him but my decision was firm but what I didn’t know was my boyfriend was gonna change his mind and he did. He never met the family and now that he seen his son he didn’t want to let him go. My son’s adoptive mom flew in and kept a realistic hope about the situation. She didn’t want to get to happy or have her hopes too high in case things didn’t work out. I was so sad to tell the ladies that my boyfriend did not support my decision to give the baby up. Even though my boyfriend already signed the relinquishment papers and I didn’t yet I wanted to just go forward with it no matter what he said but that just wasn’t the right thing to do. So they had to tell Cindy (changed the name for privacy) our decision.
After making that decision we were sitting in the hospital and the air was straight thick. My boyfriend and I had so much tension and things just weren’t right, even with our baby there. We knew we couldn’t support him. We had nothing and no where to take him to. I even tried to convince Cindy and her husband to just continue on with this because his papers are already signed and respectfully they took my boyfriend’s decision into consideration and said we would never overstep that decision because he is a father as well and knows how it feels. Once my boyfriend heard that his heart opened up, he cried he hugged me and said that’s a good man, that’s who I want to raise my son. So I called the ladies (adoption agency) back while I was still in the hospital and told them that my boyfriend wanted to place our son with him and he now wanted to be a part of the open adoption.
Fast forward Cindy came back we took lots of pictures and my baby boy is doing wonderful. It’s only been 3 months and I got pictures and letters twice. My boyfriend and I got married and are trying to move in the right direction. I did experience sadness and even postpartum depression. But the peace that I have about my decision still remains the same. I am so grateful to this adoption agency.
Now to you. Don’t be afraid to follow your heart. If you know placing your baby for adoption is right for both of you then that’s all you need. People will try to change your decision and may even tell you that they’ll be there to help with the baby but let me tell you if it does happen- it’s temporary. You are the one stuck with raising that child until he/she is grown. There is nothing wrong with giving your baby up for adoption. Pray about it and follow your heart. You will have all the support you need through Act of Love.
Wishing you all the best and lots of love,
Shayla