When birthmothers who have placed a baby for adoption talk about their experience, there are many feelings, thoughts and emotions they have in common. These are things that they learned about themselves through the process of being pregnant, delivering their baby and placing their child for adoption.
One common thought is that they will never “get over” it. For those who are involved in adoption that phrase is difficult to hear. No one expects a birthparent to “get over” placing a child for adoption. “Moving forward” would be much more appropriate and accepted. There is a long period of time when the heart ache is strong and sometimes unbearable. It takes work and perseverance to move through the adoption experience and feeling those strong emotions of sorrow on a daily, weekly and monthly basis is challenging. Many birthparents have shared how helpful journaling their thoughts and feelings can be in the healing process. One birthmother, who recently celebrated her son’s first birthday, often looks back on the things she wrote throughout her pregnancy and this past year following the birth. She says that she sees growth in herself and is in awe of what she has learned from the experience. She also says that it will become easier if you continue to allow yourself to heal.
Another common reflection from birthparents is that they need people – people who will listen and be supportive. Birthparents need to be able to talk and cry and be angry and know that the person they are sharing with will respect their feelings and continue to be a support. The staff at Act of Love is well-known for being able to relate to birthparents and provide loving support. Also, telling your story to friends will be helpful in moving forward. Having others who have experienced placing a baby for adoption is also valuable. Many women and men find “groups” where they can go in person or join on-line that are dedicated to birthparents that want and need to talk about their experience. Knowing others have felt the same emotions and learning what they did to heal is so beneficial.
Knowing that the experience you have gone through is part of who you are can make you stronger. Everyone has a story and no two stories are the same. Having life experiences, such as placing a child for adoption, becomes part of your story and adds to your identity. Don’t be afraid of who you are. Don’t be ashamed to tell your story. You are brave and strong and what you have done is not easy. Celebrate the fact that you can make good decisions and stick with them, no matter how hard it gets.
Believe that by choosing life and adoption you have made a noble decision. How many adopted people on this earth today would say, “I wish my birthparents had not chosen life for me?” By giving life, you are enabling a sweet child to experience all the world has to offer and to grow and learn in a loving and nurturing environment. The choice of life has brought happiness and joy to an adoptive family and a child.
Act of Love celebrates birthparents and the journey they take from the time they learn about their pregnancy until the day they leave this earth. Their hearts are forever bonded to their child they so lovingly placed. We give thanks to these selfless and strong women and men who give their most precious gift.
We thank you, birthparents, for teaching us all what your sacrifice has taught you. We appreciate and love you and admire your courage!