The emotions that birthparents feel at the time of birth and placement are literally from one extreme to the other. I was reminded of this fact this week as two birthmothers I was working with delivered their babies within a day of each other. One birthmother had the baby’s father by her side, the other did not. But, in each situation, all birthparents involved knew that placing their child for adoption was the right thing to do for their child.
In both cases, the birthparents had chosen to have an open adoption. One was far more open than the other, but both chose to meet and get to know the adoptive parents before birth. The birthmother and birthfather selected their adoptive couple and then were able to begin bonding through Skype calls. Both commented the Skype calls helped them to get to know each other as they began their adoption journey together. The other birthmother selected her adoptive couple and wanted to meet in person the night before her c-section was scheduled. Their dinner meeting was wonderful and the birthmother felt the adoptive couple was perfect for her sweet baby.
There are really no two adoptions that end up being alike. Just like there are no two absolute identical people, there are no two identical adoptions. A Act of Love Adoption Agency provides the birthparents the freedom to choose and create an adoption plan that is just right for them. Each birthparent knows themselves better than anyone else and what is a good plan for one might be a terrible plan for the other. Just as in these two situations, completely different people making a plan that works for them.
The common factor in the two adoptions this week was one word that each of the birthparents used. The word was PEACE. The birthmother and father signed their relinquishment papers and shed some tears. Through their tears they both said they knew it was right and they felt PEACE. The other birthmother said, her heart was not aching, she loved her baby, but she just had an inner PEACE that made everything feel ok.
As the birthparents move on with their plans and goals, they will have PEACE in knowing that their child will be loved beyond measure and well cared for. They both know that this will not be the end. They will see the sweet face of their baby again and watch him grow and become all that they hoped for him. The beauty of open adoption is the wondering and guessing is gone. These birthparents will KNOW how their child is doing. That helps to keep the feeling of peace that they both carry so strongly now.
The adoptive parents that agree to the openness wishes of their birthparents’ understand that this is such a vital part of their adoption and the emotional health of their child. They express feelings like: we want the birthparents to be a part of our family, we want to continue this relationship we have started, and we want to get to know them better.
Adoptive parents are the ones who will be explaining adoption to their child and will talk about the day he arrived in the world. They will tell the child how loved he was and not just by one set of parents but by two. As the child grows and understands more, he will be so grateful to have answers not only by his adoptive parents but by his birthparents. Open adoption can make this happen.
Contact Act of Love Adoptions today to learn more about open adoption. Birthparents can call 1-800-835-6360 or text 801-450-0094 to speak or meet with an adoption professional. Adoptive families can contact the agency at 801-572-1696 or attend a Free Adoption Orientation.