A recent Act of Love birthmother reflected on the time when she placed her baby for adoption. She was just 20 years old at the time and was not ready to be a parent. The father of the baby was long gone and she felt alone and scared. Having been a journal writer for most of her teen years, she continued to write her thoughts and feelings through the pregnancy. As she searched and wondered what would be the best decision for her, it became clear that adoption was the right choice for her.
As she began to explore adoption, she felt that an open adoption would be the best type of plan. So, with the help of Act of Love’s adoption staff, she began to look at profiles of adoptive couples that would agree to the openness she desired. She wrote about this experience every day in her journal. One thing she made clear was that she wanted to take her time in choosing adoptive parents. She wanted to be sure that she made the right choice and she did not want to feel rushed.
Through this experience she began to notice that she began writing a lot about gratitude in her journal. Rather than feeling bitter, upset with herself for being in this position, or at others who were not helping her, she wrote about being grateful for the opportunity to get to know these couples who had experienced a lot of heartache as well. They had their own journey in arriving at the adoption decision and this birthmother knew it did not come without the pain and agony of infertility and disappointment.
When the time came and the birthmother knew which couple she would select, her heart was at peace and again, grateful. As she met with the couple prior to the birth of “their” child, she was comfortable and happy. The family lived on one side of the country and the birthmother on the other. But, the openness agreement was made and has been kept and honored throughout the child’s five years of life.
The birthmother is so grateful because the adoptive couple has family in a nearby state, so they make it a point to take an extra day or two and visit their birthmother, whom they also call family. They make arrangements ahead of time so that they can spend the day together catching up and doing something fun. The adoptive family is so grateful to the birthmother, as they overhear the child ask her if he can have a Popsicle and the birthmother replies, “Go ask your Mom & Dad if it’s ok.”
Open adoption does not need to cause anxiety on either side. As in this adoption, when an openness plan is established and followed, a mutual respect grows and each becomes filled with gratitude for the other. In this story, the birthmother and the adoptive couple have so much love for each other that they would never do anything to jeopardize the relationship. In fact, in many cases, they defend each other to those around them that don’t understand how an open adoption can work. Many friends of adoptive couples ask if they are worried to visit the birthmother as she might want the baby back. This is when adoptive couples can teach their friends about the beauty of open adoption and the agreements made in the beginning.
When adoptive parents follow through on their end of the openness agreement, there is nothing better for the birthparents. It confirms to them that they made the right choice in choosing wonderful parents for their child. Gratitude grows as agreements are followed and love strengthens the adoption relationship.
Act of Love has been in business since 1993 and has been involved with successful open adoptions for over twenty years. For more information on open adoption, contact Act of Love today. The birthparent line is answered 24 hours/7 days a week by loving and caring adoption professionals. 1-800-835-6360.