Together with my counselor at the adoption agency we’ve come up with a phrase. Private, but not a secret. My son and the adoption process is something that is private, but not something I want to keep secret. There are a few people in my life who know about my adoption journey and I am so thankful for them, but often times I am overcome with the amount of people who are unaware and how it makes things that much harder.
For example, there are a few expectant mothers at my job. I can’t help but join in to talk about their pregnancies, but it gets a little weird. I can see their faces wondering how I know so much about swollen feet, induced labor, and babies sitting on your bladder! I consciously have to curb my enthusiasm.
Or even recently I developed plantar fascitis. It’s an inflammation of the tissue on the bottom of the foot. It’s common in women who are pregnant (me) or have gained a lot of weight (me again). My boss, a chiropractor, is treating me but he seemed a little confused as to how I may have developed it. He knows I was an athlete in high school. I just told him I gained a lot of weight last year and left it at that.
Even more difficult to explain is why I’m here in Utah. I have my friends and family in New Jersey, but I wanted to stay in Utah, where my son is, to take advantage of the openness of the adoption. I meet folks all the time who ask me why I am in Utah. Do I tell everyone that I placed my son here?
So it’s a struggle. The more questions that come the easier it gets to explain without fully explaining. We shall see what next year brings!
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