If you opt to choose a family for your child, then choosing a family is one of the most important decisions above any other in the adoption process. Doing this will give you peace about your decision to place your child for adoption. There is nothing more comforting and healing than seeing your child happy, safe, and healthy with his or her family after placement. Choosing a family for your child is a gift for birth parents, their child, and the adoptive family.
The selection process is a very important step towards providing a future for your child in addition to your own journey towards healing. Before I looked at profiles, I had about a dozen questions written down. They were practical questions about things that were really important to me. Some of those things were communication, family support, religious views (though not religious affiliation), family activities, and racial issues (because my son is half African-American and one quarter Thai and Caucasian). I wanted to get an idea of what their life is like, what their priorities are, and how they plan to nurture and raise my son. I had an idea of what my adoptive family would be like and wanted my son to be raised the same way I raise my own two boys. I wanted a family with shared values on education and family relationships. I based my questions on those things I had in mind.
I was so prepared to ask questions, be methodical and practical, but then I had the most wonderful experience. When I got the profiles in the mail and saw the families, I immediately knew which family was meant for my son. A feeling of warmth and peace and calmness came over me when I looked at one family in particular. Amid the turmoil of leaving an abusive relationship, fear for myself and my baby, and the emotions that go with placing my baby for adoption, that feeling of absolute peace was such a juxtaposition that I knew what family to place with. I still talked to them and asked all those questions I had and doing so was confirmation that they were right for my son and me. It truly was one of those experiences where it just felt right. I get to experience that over and over again every time I look at the pictures of my beautiful baby and read the letters sent to me.
That does not happened for everyone. If not, that really is okay. Every adoption experience is different. Every situation is unique, even though there are many similarities in the adoption process. If you do not experience this right away, it may happen sometime down the road, or it may never happen for you. That is okay. Remember why you chose adoption or perhaps are considering adoption. Placing a child for adoption is meant to provide that child with a family who will love unconditionally, provide every need, and most importantly give a lifetime of love.
To have your questions answered about choosing your adoptive family, leave a message or email Skylar at firstname.lastname@example.org.